Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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