No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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