Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
