i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
