from now on my penis is your penis
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
