Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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