I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
