My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
