why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
