from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
