so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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