I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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