Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
