I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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