good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
