I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
