I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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