what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
