After last night, I could never be a politician.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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