Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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