Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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