I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize