I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
i now understand why vodka
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
