HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
