I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
