if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
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