god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
