Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
