There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
