Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize