I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
