you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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