evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
