She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
