She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
