Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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