Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
