Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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