If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
