The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize