on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
