Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
