i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
