Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
