last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
