I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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