Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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