My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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