Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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