your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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