I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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