we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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