there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
