"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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