Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
