p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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