If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
