Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
