I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
