i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
