I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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