He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
