i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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