those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
how does that bad decision feel?
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