shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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